I used to think I was being punished.
For the things I’d said. For the things I’d done. For the people I’d hurt, including my kids. For the regrets that followed me around like a shadow. I thought maybe the universe, the planets, or God was keeping score, and now I was paying the price.
I looked around at my life and scattered dreams, lost time, no money, a heavy heart, and it was easy to believe the worst: “Maybe I ruined everything.”
But lately, a new voice has started to whisper: “What if this isn’t punishment? What if it’s just pain… and pain is part of healing?”
The Truth About Me
I have said terrible things.
I’ve had moments I’m not proud of.
I’ve been harsh, angry, loud.
I’ve sabotaged, numbed, avoided, lied.
And yet I still desire more.
Not just money.
Not just freedom.
I want peace.
I want softness.
I want to know myself without all the shame.
And maybe that’s what healing really looks like: not some perfect version of me, but the messy middle ground where I let myself want again.
What I Know Now
I wasn’t cursed.
I was trying to survive in a world that didn’t give me space to breathe.
I was doing what I knew, with the tools I had.
I was told what to study, how to live, what to accept and I obeyed until I broke.
But now, I am learning to listen to myself.
And that, my friend, is divine rebellion.
If You’re Reading This…
Maybe you’re also wondering what happened to your life.
Maybe you look around and wonder why you don’t feel fulfilled.
Maybe you, too, think it’s all your fault.
Let me tell you something I’m only just learning myself:
You are not cursed.
You are not too late.
You are not unworthy.
You are simply waking up.
And waking up is hard.
But it’s the beginning of everything.
Signed,
A Formerly Cursed Woman Who’s Choosing to Heal
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